Men in Childbirth Classes

Margaret Wallis, LCCE did a presentation at ICEA conference 2006, “Men in Class, the Y Factor”. Some of the things she told us to think about:

- Men like physical, kinesthetic, hands-on activity

- Men like competition so they can prove skill / knowledge / strength.

- Men hate to look foolish, so don’t put them on the spot if they might not know answer

- Men know that being a parent will mean more work, more responsibility, less sex. They may be less certain about the short-term benefits.

- Some men come into class thinking the instructor will be a radical feminist, and are defensive against that

- Most men wonder what their place is in a childbirth class, so the sooner you focus energy on them the better

- Associate new information with known concepts: sports analogies, tool chests, tech terms

- She argued that we should always refer to “dads and partners.” She fears that in trying to be politically correct for the 25% of people who aren’t there with the baby’s dad, that we alienate or downplay the importance of all the dads who are there.

- When you adapt a curriculum to appeal more to men, it also tends to be more appealing to women if it’s interesting and interactive. Also, the women will be happier and more relaxed if their partners like coming to class rather than resenting it.

Look at every part of the curriculum from a guy’s perspective (the *ed ideas come from Margie Wallis, the others are my ideas)

First Class:

· Icebreaker: Guys like competition, so ask them who filled in the most blanks on the “can you find someone” sheet. Toss them a prize.

· Introductions: To decide whose turn it is, don’t just go around the circle. Toss a tennis ball to a guy in the room. Ask him to intro himself, then mom takes her turn, then guy tosses ball to another guy who will go next. *

· Orientation to class: say to guys something like “I know some of you are only here because she dragged you here… but here are some reasons I am so glad you’re here as part of the class.” Or something else that values his presence and makes him feel welcome.

· Anatomy: They might not know female anatomy, so be sure to describe terms well.*

· Events of late pregnancy: address changes for dad (increased responsibility, pressure to succeed at a job he hasn’t been “trained” for)

· Choices in parenting: when talking about informed choice, use the mechanic example. “If you take your car to the mechanic for a small problem with the air conditioner, and they say that your best option to avoid possible complications is to just replace the air conditioner, do you immediately agree? Or might you ask them: could you repair it instead? Would you ask them what the cost would be and how long it would take? Might you ask yourself: is it really important to me to have a working air conditioner?”

· Wellness in pregnancy: Let them know that sex in pregnancy is OK. You may want to hint to the guys that they should not take any risk of exposure to STD’s. If you’re doing the card game, make it competitive

· Exercises: are all good for guys too.

· Relaxation: what are the lifelong benefits to dad of learning about relaxation techniques

Labor and Birth

· Signs of Labor: validate that many men worry about getting her to the hospital on time

· Stages of Labor: Put a timeline up on the wall, saying early labor, active labor, pushing, after the birth. Give them all index cards describing symptoms/activities, and let them put them up on the right spot on the timeline. *

· Circle of awareness in labor: As you talk about how mom gets more inward and less communicative as labor goes along, analogy to the guys at the gym* (or in a marathon, or long game). At beginning of game, everyone in high spirits, high-fiving, etc. Near end of game, they’re all sweaty, not talking much, leaning over and resting between plays, etc. Then, at the end of the game, a little burst of energy to celebrate, then need food, then go home and crash.

· Rhythm in labor: to help partners understand why women often develop rhythmic movements, noises, etc. in labor in order to help them cope, remind the men that whenever they are working well with their body they have rhythm: walk in rhythm, chew in rhythm, hammer in rhythm

· Sounds of labor: have a dad mimic what sound men make when they benchpress, or when they’re doing martial arts. Ask them if they think it’s weird that men make sounds when doing hard physical work. So… is it then OK for women to make sounds in labor?*

· Patterned breathing: use analogies of how your breathing speeds up when you exercise. Also talk about focusing your breathing using analogy of playing an instrument or singing, as this will resonate with some people’s experience

· Comfort techniques: note that labor support is not an equitable situation. Of the love energy exchanged, it’s 95% dad giving, and 5% mom giving back. It’s not fair, but it’s good preparation for parenting a newborn…

· Of course with all comfort technique practice, we always look for ways to give dad an active role

· Second stage: talk about dad’s point of view. (he may be up at mom’s head, and not able to see what’s happening. He may be holding her leg, and seeing more than he wanted to see!).

· Crowning: validate that some men and women can’t imagine that a woman’s vagina will ever return to its pre-birth shape. Point out that men’s genitals enlarge and change shape all the time, and nobody ever worries about that J

· After birth: validate that he may not immediately fall in love with baby: they’re not as hormonally programmed for that as moms are. Klaus says that if dads get 15 minutes totally alone with baby in the first day, they’re more connected for years. *

Procedures, Variations, Interventions

· Hospital Procedures: remind dad of his role as the advocate, so she can focus on labor

· Doulas – point out that if men are the only labor support, they may feel responsible for remembering everything, and may be up in their cognitive brain the whole time and have a hard time providing emotional support. May be better to have a doula so dad can be in emotional brain. *

· Informed Consent: I’ve never found exactly the right metaphor here, but there has to be a great metaphor about how great it is when you have a variety of tools, so you always have the right tool for any job. But that the wisdom comes in using the tool that does the job well, but not do more than you have to do

· Informed Consent Example: Use an example they can relate to: “So, your air conditioner doesn’t work. Mechanic says there’s a hole in it, and you need a new air conditioner. What questions might you ask?” (They may reply these things…. If not, you could hint that they might ask: how much does replacement cost? Could they repair instead of replace? They may need to decide for themselves how much they really need air conditioning, and whether it’s worth that cost. You could point out that the mechanic might say “We could try to repair it but that might not work. We know replacing it will be effective.”) Once they have explored how to ask questions in this familiar territory, then present a question of how they might react if a medical intervention in their labor was recommended.

There are some of my brainstormed ideas. Now do your own brainstorming for each of the topics in your class!